Kathryn Keener is a postpartum doula and owner of One Moon Doula Services in San Diego, CA. She previously worked as a mediator of various types of disputes for almost 15 years. Both careers have given her a unique glimpse into the personal lives of people in the midst of life's changes and life's challenges. Here on her blog she muses about parenthood in the United States, including issues such as sleep deprivation, changing roles and identities, work/life balance, policies surrounding birth and postpartum, and forging our own communities and support so we don't have to go it alone.
We were honored to be featured as a guest blogger for Improving Birth, where we talk about the role of a patient’s own knowledge about their condition and how it can impact the doctor-patient relationship. Take a look over at the Improving Birth Blog to read more!
Pregnant women already have a higher blood volume and a slightly higher body temperature… so being pregnant during summer (especially in your third trimester) can be an extra challenge to your comfort and your energy level. Here in North County Coastal San Diego, many homes are without air conditioning because of how mild it is for so much of the year! We found a few tips (besides the obvious, like stay in the shade and stay hydrated) to help you keep your cool:
When you’re ready to let us pamper you after your baby or babies finally arrive, call us or read more about our Postpartum Doula Services.
I was inspired to speak on this topic because I just got off the phone with three different expectant parents, inquiring about postpartum Doula services, who want to make sure they have adequate support in place after the birth of their baby or babies, but are overwhelmed with the prospect of planning for something they’ve never done before. Almost always the families that call me say, “How can I know what I need before I need it?”
Some of them will have family members nearby or visiting, but don’t yet know how it will go to have those relatives playing a role they’ve never played before – how much is too much to ask, will there be judgment and unsolicited advice, are they the type who will show up last minute or need things planned out in advance? Others don’t have family nearby at all. Some feel certain their partner will play the supportive role, intuiting their needs and the baby’s needs and sharing the load. Others are certain their partner won’t, and others don’t know until they know. Mostly, none of them know what to expect from themselves and their baby or babies. Will they do well with sleep deprivation or will it alter their mood and resiliency? Will they get a baby with an easier temperament or one that is higher need? Will they want time alone with baby, or will they want company, and how much and how often…?
Remember when borrowing sugar from the neighbors was a thing? I actually remember my mom sending me next door with a measuring cup to get ¼ cup of sugar. Once, it may have been vinegar.
Well, I’m not ashamed to admit, in my version of adulthood, it was wine (come to think of it, that’s kind of like a sugary vinegar now, isn’t it?). Not only had it become less common, maybe less acceptable to show up at the neighbors asking for stuff (I think it is seen as too intrusive, at least in the NY neighborhood where we lived) but I went ahead and upped the ante from sugar to wine.
Do you feel it?
I think the way we look at moms is shifting…
I think there is greater recognition for what we do. For the parts that are tangible and the parts that are not. For what we sacrifice and don’t get back, even if yes, there are sweet rewards. For the costs – to our bodies, our careers, our psyches when we wonder if we are doing right by our children. (Approaching discipline in an age-appropriate way? Over scheduling or under scheduling them? Leaving them too much or helicopter parenting? Respecting their preferences or coddling???) I think, for a few reasons including those below, we might be approaching a cultural shift towards a climate where we honor and revere mothers for all they do. Where we stand in solidarity with any mother who feels judged, gypped, or unsupported. Where we elevate the status of motherhood to where it is consistent with the significance of bearing life, nurturing bodies, spirits and minds, to where it includes acknowledgement of giving up any chance at autonomy or predictability, any chance of being able to make one decision that doesn’t hinge on four or five others, any chance of ever feeling like we’ve mastered anything for a good 18+ years, or probably forever.
I knew starting a postpartum doula agency might raise some eyebrows in the doula community. I wasn’t sure why, exactly, other than the fact that “new and different” tends to raise eyebrows. But wow did I come across a GOLDMINE of reasons just the other day, on a rant on social media from a well-respected doula in our area. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not taking her post as if it were directed at me. But she has quite the following (for good reason – she has worked long and hard supporting and educating doulas and families), and so while the post might not be directed at me, I don’t think there’s any way around the fact that she has just used her influence in a way that directly disrespects me, my business, and my independent contractors (agency doulas). So, whether I like it or not, I feel obligated to respond.
This is so important for all of us to watch. While paid leave is also an important part of the puzzle, HERE is an idea that doesn’t have to get government approval or cost taxpayer money. Parents are going to pay for childcare somewhere, why not 1) reduce their commute time by having it at the work location, 2) increase their access to their children 3) contribute to the success of breastfeeding with such access in many cases,… and the benefits go on an on as described in this video. In fact, many parents would likely pay a higher rate for these benefits, and many employers, if they looked at how much turnover from the highly educated female workforce is technically costing them, would be willing to incur some cost to provide such a benefit.
One Moon Doula “Luna Cookies”
recipe and photos courtesy of Megan Ameral
Our Luna Cookies are the perfect, one-handed snack! Sweet oat cookies filled with dried blueberries (full of antioxidants such as vitamin A and C) and nutty cacao nibs packed with magnesium and calcium. Little bites of cinnamon and creamy coconut manna make these a decadent treat every family should have packed in their freezer. The perfect balance of healthy and delightful –pack a ziplock to throw in your diaper bag to go, or crumble on ice cream (dairy free if that’s your thing) for the rest of the family. Brewer’s yeast is optional but can support your breastfeeding goals. Ask your postpartum doula to make you a batch, they are a sweet “pick me up” to any Mamma’s day!
Last week I held the first team meeting with One Moon Doula’s newest postpartum doulas.
I’m so impressed.
Selecting a team at this time in my life, at almost 40 years old, couldn’t have been better timing. Combining my life experience and work experience with a renewed trust in my gut, confidence in my judgement… led me to know almost instantly who would be a good fit – not just for my agency, and for our clients, but for each other as colleagues and teammates.
I’ve had such a positive response – from parents, providers, and doulas – about my plan to open an agency of postpartum doulas to serve the families in North County, San Diego. It’s a wonderful affirmation of the need, as seen by all of the stakeholders.
I’ve also had some questions. Most are just to understand better. Some come tinged with a hint of suspicion (of what I’m not sure), or skepticism.
So I’ll just lay it all out there.
I’m doing it for the parents.
Parents who don’t exactly know what a postpartum doula is, but they DO know they need help. Think about the amount of time that must go into googling the term, surfing around on various sources (that are also highly variable in terms of quality and accuracy). Then, once they’ve figured out if it’s something they want to pursue, the time that goes into researching each particular doula in their area (they’ll also come across quite a bit of variety there). Then, they’ll have to narrow it down to a few, and ideally make time to meet with each one.
As I talk about in this post, Jennifer Senior in All Joy and No Fun tells us that women’s contact with people in their networks shrinks in the early child-rearing years, and that a study in 2009 found that 80 percent of mothers surveyed believed they didn’t have enough friends and 58% felt lonely. Here’s a list of just a few simple steps you can take to make your time with a newborn less lonely:
