Today I put my first born on a plane (yes, he insisted on wearing pajamas because he is 14) for his first solo adventure to see some cousins in Colorado. And while this might not seem related to our work as a Postpartum Doula Agency… I’ve decided it is.
It is because… he was a newborn not that long ago. And I really do mean not that long ago. Not in the cliché way of “blink and you miss it,” because it’s not that simple – it HAS felt like 14 years in many ways… but instead what I mean is that when we “zoom out” we can get a glimpse of the reality that it will be a relatively small percentage of our lives that we are actively parenting, that our children live with us. And I share that not to say “enjoy every moment,” (because that’s another oversimplified cliché). Rather I share it because I KNOW that the parents I speak to, almost daily on the phone – while they’re having a challenging time with a newborn, or feel anxious about that day coming – find it almost impossible to zoom out, to see this as fleeting and temporary, or to project into the future, to picture the myriad of forms their parenting journey will take. (I know many of them find it almost impossible in part because I did, too). But zooming out, or projecting forward, is sometimes exactly what makes us better able to ground in the present moment: better able to surrender if this moment is hard; better able to relish if this moment is wonderful. So, it’s worth trying now and then.
One day, the newborn you hold today will walk onto a plane by themselves. You will either feel nervous, or sad, or happy for their adventure, or excited, even, to have your house feel a little quieter for a few days (!) Most likely, almost definitely, you will feel all of those things circling together. But if you’re a new parent, you already know that your ability to hold multiple emotions at once can surprise you. Zoom out. Surrender.